5 Tips for Creating Your Self-Talk Strategy

by Nina Post

Our minds can be like malfunctioning iPods. Sometimes you leave the repeat function on, and the mean stuff you say to yourself loops over and over again. Or you’re on a playlist that contains a bunch of short files: one that reminds you of something annoying someone said to you, and one that reminds you to worry about what people think of you, and one that won't stop playing that song you heard in a grocery store.

If that were an iPod, you would say, wow, these songs are terrible — why am I listening to this shit? You’d get rid of the files and replace them with something that makes you feel better, makes you feel strong and confident, makes you learn something.

But it’s not an iPod. This metaphor may come as a shock, but it’s your mind I’m talking about.

What can you do? The good news is, you can make a point to counter those thoughts with positive, useful ones—and even use a strategy to help direct your thoughts and plan how you want to feel.

It’s well-worth it: self-talk is a useful self-regulation strategy for managing cognitive processes and emotions, increasing performance, and facilitating learning.

One of the functions of self-talk is criticizing yourself. Those files suck; replace them with other files you’ve listened to many, many times, like “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” and “Lovefool”.

Another function of self-talk is self-reinforcement, or talking to yourself about positive daily events. (Yes, that’s possible.)

And another very important function of self-talk is self-management, which is when you regulate and direct your daily behavior with a strategy or instructions for what to do or say.

So here are tips for creating a strategy to manage and prepare your self-talk:

• Make a list of actions you believe would be the most influential in helping you attain the feeling you want.
  
  It could be learning and doing research, working efficiently, doing focused and uninterrupted work, listening to calming music, going for a run, or monitoring your inner dialogue and your beliefs in your abilities.
  
  Identify a few times when you felt negative emotions and were engaging in a lot of critical self-talk, but overcame those obstacles to accomplish something important or meaningful.
  
  This could be a work project, a presentation that went great, a challenging hobby, a big move. Give it a short and pithy name and use it a touchstone for when you need it most.

For that last tip, it could be a situation where you felt a lot of doubt about your ability to pull off a huge project, and were simultaneously trying to get it done while balancing work responsibilities. You had no feedback along the way, no idea where to even start, and a ton to learn—but you took it one step at a time and made progress. And now you know you can tackle a similar or even bigger project. Use that as a trigger with a descriptive keyword when faced with a similar challenge in the future.

Creating awareness of your self-talk, having a strategy for responding to obstacles, and applying tactics in the moment is a skill you learn how to apply over time, so just keep working on it!

Sources:

gifs by giphy

A group resonance intervention with a volleyball team: An exploration of the process between a consultant, coach, and athletes

The Development and Initial Evaluation of Two Promising Mental Preparatory Methods in a Sample of Female Cross Country Runners
Journal of Sport Behavior.

A view from the inside: an in-depth look at a female university student's experience with a feel-based intervention to enhance self-confidence and self-talk
The Qualitative Report.

12 Tips For the "Why Hire Me" Presentation

The "Why Hire Me" presentation isn't common. But I recently helped a friend with this, and it got me thinking about the process and what some useful strategies and tactics are.

1. Give them a well-rounded view of you as a person—not just professional accomplishments, but your hobbies and interests.

Our friend, for example, had a slide listing his interests along with a photo that showed his travel and volunteer work. He told them (hobbies changed to something slightly different) that he's an amateur kitesurfer, an avid BMXer, and a light-sport aircraft pilot.

(Or perhaps you've created your own intricate tabletop game.)

I had no idea my friend was an LSA pilot (WHAT OTHER SECRETS DOES HE HAVE), and I silently updated my mental files, wondering when, exactly, he ever had time to do that.

2. Provide examples of how your experience matches up with the role. If you've already received feedback or can infer what their main objections may be to hiring you, you might want to pick examples that reinforce why you're capable of doing the job.

Do your research beforehand, and get crafty. Our friend looked through all of this company's job postings to get a feel for what tools/software they used. Job postings can be a valuable source of information on how a company operates.

3. Tell them WHY you're excited about the role. And make the presentation interactive—ask your audience simple, relevant questions to increase engagement.

4. Give them some ideas about what you would do if you had the job—but don't give away the store. You've probably seen this on Silicon Valley: a company brings someone in, asks them to solve a hairy problem on a whiteboard, and never talks to them again.

It's not uncommon for interviewers to describe a problem and ask how you would approach it. If it's directly connected to what you'd be doing for them, try to give them an overview of what you'd do, but not so many details that they can hire a more junior person and run with your plan -- or take credit for it themselves and get promoted off of it. Because they will.

5. Practice in front of an audience—friends, family, confused people at Trader Joe's, etc. Practice the situation from beginning to end, and with a lot of starting and stopping to simulate being asked questions. Watch for phrases you tend to overuse.

6. Get there early, and don't be afraid to reconfigure the room if you need to. You don't want to be stuck in an uncomfortable chair or have a bright window in front of you.

Don't stand behind a podium the whole time, if that's the layout. Unless the situation clearly calls for sitting, you'll probably want to stand while you present.

7. Try to get the recruiter or hiring manager to give you any insights they have into what the company wants you to cover. It's possible some companies will give you a list; others may just say "do what feels right."

8. Be sure to come well-rested, and eat a high-protein meal beforehand. There's no way to tell if you'll have an opportunity to eat during interview day. Bring food and water with you just in case.

9. Try to get a list of the people who will be attending ahead of time. This will help you decide whether it's going to be a high-level, strategic conversation, or if it's going to be a technical conversation focused on details.

Will the people attending be on a peer level, a higher level, a trainee level? All three? This will help you prepare questions, adjust your focus, and know how much information to provide -- as well as what tools you use with your presentation.

10. Ideally, leave at least 15 minutes at the end for Q&A—though you could check with the recruiter if they want to ask questions throughout or save them for later. Prepare some general questions and a selection of questions targeted toward specific people.

11. If you're presenting to a larger group, and tend to be sensitive to people's expressions and body language, it helps to expect that some of them will seem closed off, defensive, unresponsive, or even hostile, even if that's actually not how they feel at all. If you go in expecting that, and know it doesn't necessarily reflect how much they do or don't like you, it won't throw you as much.

12. If the interviewer asks a question that you don't quite know how to answer, ask them to please clarify their question ("The Spelling Bee Gambit"). This will give you a little more time, and you'll probably receive some additional information.

If you're unsure about the content that'll be covered, add some backup slides at the end of of your presentation just in case you get questions about more detailed topics.

Say you're applying for a finance job, and part of the work is doing corporate valuations. You may have an extra slide with a spreadsheet you've made so you can walk them through the formulas.

Now there's just the waiting...and the waiting...

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gifs by giphy!

Sources:

5 Steps to Acing Your Interview Presentation

Eight tips on how to make your interview presentation shine

8 Tips to Giving an Interview Presentation

Got 10 Minutes? Here Are 18 Ways to Improve Your Life

by Nina Post

1) If you're a writer and feel stuck, take 10 minutes to work on that project you've been neglecting or haven't started yet. Start the file. Get the file ready. Make a separate page of the most important stuff: your logline, your theme, your setting, why you/why this/why now. Do another ten minutes the next day.

2) Take 10 minutes to review a book or a podcast. Reviews matter. And it feels good to get it done and help someone out (even if you think they don't need it).

3) If you're a startup founder, take 10 minutes a day to look into a potential partner or acquirer, find an accelerator you can apply to, or find a mentor or peer to email.

4) If you want to eat healthier, take 10 minutes to plan your food for lunch and dinner this week: salads, eggs, fruits & veggies, smoothies, baked chicken, etc. And if you need healthy food to have with you when you travel or are otherwise out of the house, take 10 minutes and look for single-serving packs of high-protein, single-serve items (hummus, chicken jerky, cashews) that you can order in bulk.

5) Take 10 minutes a day to read. Unless you use your phone, keep your Kindle or a paperback handy.

6) Take 10 minutes a day to ask three friends or colleagues how things are going.

7) Take 10 minutes a day to walk outside (you remember "outside," right?), or to do more of a secondary exercise—running, plyometrics, kettle bells.

8) Take 10 minutes to list the activities you're spending too much time on—TV, reading TV recaps, Facebook, games, web browsing, meetings, etc.—at the expense of activities that can have a better return for you (creating, learning, getting into flow with one of your hobbies).

9) Take 10 minutes to figure out a time management/scheduling system, if you don't have one or if you want to change what you have. Maybe you want to use GTD (Getting Things Done). Figure out the best app or software (or paper system) to help you do that.

10) Take 10 minutes to get started with some software that can help you get your work done, make your work easier or more efficient, or achieve something.

11) Take 10 minutes to do something about a fear you have. Maybe it's something you want to get better at, know it would help you, but are reluctant to do.

12) Take 10 minutes to maintain familiarity with a second language (or learn a new one). I like Radio Lingua/Coffee Break (for listening during breaks!), Duolingo, and Mango via the library.

13) If there's a tool you've been putting off buying, and it's less than $100, think about whether it will generate more than $100 in value for you, and if so, buy it. This works equally well for $50 or $20 or whatever. For writers who have been putting off buying Scrivener, consider getting it.

14) Take 10 minutes to do a bunch of small tasks you've been putting off. 

15) Take 10 minutes to look through the resources you can access through your local public library, like Lynda.com.

16) If you're already pretty functional at managing your schedule, take 10 minutes to find a commitment or activity that will add to your already packed schedule, but also add to your life in a positive way. Often we're even more productive the more we have to do. It doesn't have to be spread out; Adam Grant points out in Give and Take that givers who chunked their giving (mentoring, etc.) into a single day achieved gains in happiness, as opposed to when they distributed it across the week. Consider chunking as a strategy for this.

17) Take 10 minutes to send someone a paper card to thank them or tell them how great they are or what a good job they're doing. Think of the service vendors who wouldn't normally get a card like that and consider giving one to them.   

18) Take 10 minutes to draw. You can take a Monster Drawing Workshop at Lynda.com; each installment is well under 10 minutes.

10 minutes may not seem like a lot of time, but if you use it wisely, you can make important strides towards the goals that matter to you.

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Why Location Matters More Than You Might Think

by Nina Post

Being in the right location is important for so many things: building a startup company, forming professional and personal connections, and helping your peace of mind.

1) Startup hubs

There's a big difference between non-hub areas and significant hubs.

You'll find a number of elements in any top-tier startup hub, but just because an area has all of these doesn't guarantee it's going to be a startup hub. They're necessary, but not sufficient. You need:

• At least one world-class university
• An established base of both large and small technology companies providing economic growth, work opportunities, etc.
• The option to live in a major urban metro, if you want to. There are certain demographics (engineers, recent college grads) that may prefer to live in a dense urban core.
• Pervasive access to mass transit, especially light- or heavy-rail.
• Availability of mentors who get what you're doing and will help -- people who have worked in these environments (technology companies) and want to contribute. They have to be active in the business world, not retired.

The startup companies that find success outside hubs are successful despite their location.

If you're building the kind of company that's going to need outside funding, it's not a secret that very early-stage investors prefer to invest close to home.

If you form that kind of business in a location where those investors aren't concentrated, or don't exist, it's going to be a lot harder to raise money and grow the company. Why handicap your startup by building it in a place where there's zero investment activity?

2) Professional and personal connections

Building and running a startup is an insane amount of work, and it's hard on the founder.  Everything feels precarious and fragile, like you're walking across a frozen lake, don't know how thick the ice is, and can't see to the other side.

Unless you happen to get super lucky, and fast, you'll be working on your startup all the time. It can be extremely isolating. And if you're in a location where you only know people who work for big companies, you'll be surrounded by people who are constantly taking vacations. The founder doesn't get vacations like that.

And it's especially annoying when people who work for big companies are always saying they're so busy, and yet take a vacation every couple of weeks:

If you're in a startup hub, it's much easier to find other founders who can commiserate with you, and that's huge. It's so important to just have someone acknowledge, let alone understand, what you're doing and what you're going through.  

But a hub is also extremely helpful for finding mentors, early-stage funding—and other crucial resources like co-working spaces, identifiable sources of seed funding (angel networks or seed-focused VCs), and accelerator programs. Even if you don't plan on applying to an accelerator, the presence of it cultivates other positive effects in the ecosystem.

But location isn't just important for startup founders. If you're a screenwriter—especially a young one in your 20s—it would be a hell of a lot better for you to be in L.A., for similar reasons.

In the book Powers of Two, Joshua Wolf Shenk talks briefly about what sociologist Michael Farrell calls "magnet places" where creative people form partnerships and connections. You'll have more magnet places—schools, events, accelerators, and more—within hubs.

All of those serendipitous meetings that form connections are much more likely to happen in a hub. Shenk writes, "Even in the age of laptops and smartphones, the best work still seems to emerge from person-to-person contact."

3) Peace of mind

Living in a place where there's a kind of support system, and where you can meet people who are doing or have done similar things, is really helpful. Plus, the weather's probably better.

As a startup founder, you want to simplify things as much as you can. For some, that means living in a place where you don't need a car. In addition to mass transit, there are a lot of options for car-sharing and ride-sharing in Seattle and other tech hubs.

Of course, we don't always have the ability to move somewhere to pursue what matters to us. But when you're at a turning point and have a chance to pick your location, or at least choose among a few realistic options, it pays to look for the place that offers you the greatest opportunity to join an ecosystem of others who are reaching towards similar goals.

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Why Grit Is An Overrated Quality

by Nina Post

What is grit?

"Grit entails maintaining allegiance to a highest-level goal over long stretches of time and in the face of disappointments and setbacks."

Or to put it another way: Grit "entails having and working assiduously toward a single challenging superordinate goal through thick and thin, on a timescale of years or even decades."

Grit is closely tied with a growth mindset, and I agree with a lot of aspects of the growth mindset.

But I find grit overrated, especially for startup founders.

Here's why.

Most founders have an inherent belief that their business is unique and the same type of opportunity won't come along again. A founder generally rates the likelihood of their own success as much higher than what the data shows, and rates the potential of failure as much lower.  

They think, "This is my shot. This is it." And because they have this belief, they want to shoot for the moon: a huge acquisition or an IPO. Selling their company for anything less than a huge sum of money—however arbitrarily that may be defined in their mind—feels like giving up.

And so they work "assiduously toward a single challenging superordinate goal through thick and thin, on a timescale of years or even decades."

My husband is a startup founder. Years ago, when he was getting home at 4 am every day, worried about retaining the one customer that made up the bulk of the company's revenue, I turned to reading Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius—stoics I was already very familiar with—to help myself deal with it, and help him deal with it.

(It didn't help that the company was based outside the core startup hubs, but that's another blog post.)

For more than a decade, he has been "maintaining allegiance to a highest-level goal over long stretches of time and in the face of disappointments and setbacks." And, oh man, the disappointments and setbacks. It was one gut punch and uppercut after another, and that's barely doing the experience justice. It took grit, but was it worth it?

A startup founder needs an experienced mentor to tell them, "This won't be the only thing you ever do." They need a mentor to tell them, "It's far easier to do something else, to start another company or to join one, after you've exited from one." We didn't have any mentors, and didn't even have any other founders to confide in. 

If a startup isn't getting significant traction after two years, three years at the most, a founder should find a buyer and move on.

Why? Because for every example of someone who spent twenty years on something and had a good outcome, there are 999 people who worked on something just as long and didn't get anything out of it. Hard work is a tiny portion of the success formula for a new business. As Jens Lapinski, Managing Director of the Techstars METRO Accelerator in Berlin, writes:

"Building a successful startup is incredibly difficult. The reason is this: In order to build a great startup, EVERYTHING has to work out for you. EVERYTHING. The CEO, the team, the market, the business model, the pricing, the marketing, the sales, the customer success, the design, the engineering, finance, HR, recruitment, culture, your investors, your board, your advisors, your competitors must screw up, the world changes in ways favorable to you, the tech stacks shift in your favor. And more. EVERYTHING. If only ONE of those things goes really wrong, you will likely shut down. ONE key aspect wrong, company likely dead. You need to master ALL of them. And if you want to build a world class company, all of these better be world class."

And this is why grit is overrated. All the grit, determination, and hard work in the world isn't going to move the needle on the things that are beyond your control.

Once you realize that there's a lot more to success than just hard work, you're more likely to be able to make smart decisions about which projects are worth persevering on despite the odds, and which ones are best put aside in favor of new opportunities where those all-important external factors are more likely to work in your favor.